Last e-mail to Joy?

To Joy:

These past few days have seen some unusual & unexplainable behavior, and today is no exception. I had just sent an e-mail addressing some of your concerns, but I fear the content of this message will deter you from wanting any more from me. But we committed ourselves weeks ago to a policy of true with each other - so truth it shall be!

I had actually gotten to bed a little after midnight, but awoke about 3 a.m. this morning with a beautiful erection, and no pain from my stitched area. I decided to be man and waken Muriel, so I phoned. I asked if she would like to talk, to which she readily agreed - I could even hear the delight in her voice! We rambled on about many things - I enjoyed hearing her laughter (I don't know if I had ever heard Muriel laugh before). At the opportune intersections I would steer the conversation in the direction of the incident last week. For instance, I learned the procedure cost $2500, of which Muriel still owed $2000 - not to mention what Melanie was going to do about the $500! And, quite interestingly, I learned the woman who "did me" was a local! I let this piece of information pass right on by in our conversation, not wanting to press Muriel as to where I could contact the woman - I would do this at a later date after Muriel had opened up even more about those things I could tell she was somewhat reluctant to reveal.

After about an hour of getting Muriel to giggle & squeal - while feeling of the enlarged head of my penis at the same time - I asked Muriel would she like to meet me at the Holiday Inn in Arkansas. I said that actually I was being quite practical in that I needed to know if I still could have an orgasm, and what exactly would happen since I no longer can produce sperm.

I told Muriel I would be on the way to the hospital, so we could meet in the room, and then go downstairs to the attached Perkins restaurant and have breakfast. I could tell she was utterly shocked by my invitation - she asked did this mean we could be together - going together? I replied by asking her is this was truly what she wanted, and I reminded her that if it was, last week was a strange way. to show it. I could hear that she was somewhat tearful as she told me that her & I was what she had wanted for years, but knew I did not see her as good enough for me, and what had happened Wednesday was all she know to do.

I told her that if we were to be out in public I would need for a while to dictate her attire. If she were to be on my arm, she would have to dress the part. Muriel readily agreed to do whatever it took to try and have some social respectability, but reminded me her wardrobe was limited - I told her we would work on that in the days ahead. But I also told her there would be times I wanted her to dress in a sexy fashion - when the conditions dictated such - and this morning would be one of them I told Muriel to come dressed as slutty as she wished. It was comical to hear her quickly reply, "That, CB, I can do!"

I phoned the Holiday Inn and requested, and reserved, the very room I had been in the previous Wednesday. When I was on the phone with Muriel I had told her that when she arrived to just ask at the desk what room I occupied.

Even though thoughts of being in the very room should have been a "turn-off," sexually, it was not. When I arrived in the room, and went to the bathroom, my penis was trying to jump out of my pants. So, in my bizarre way of thinking, I decided to take all my clothes off and be naked at the door when Muriel arrived.

In a few moments, I barely heard a tiny tap at the door. I went to the door and purposely opened it wide. There before me stood Muriel - in a very mini white pleated skirt and light blue t-shirt, and clear heels! The t-shirt was one as I had described before where Muriel had cut the entire bottom half off so that the shirt hung just over her nipples, leaving the bottom of her breasts bare. (The desk clerk was probably downstairs phoning everyone as to what they just had seen!)

Muriel asked softly, "Is this OK?" - to which I whispered, "Yes." We kissed, then I took her hands and I walked backward until I touched the bed. Muriel then gently pushed me back across the bed, and then raised her skirt to reveal no panties, but an enlarged mound of genital area. She straddled me, and quickly inserted my penis into her vagina, and proceeded to fuck me hard. She noticed me wench a couple of times from some sharp, but slight pain, and so Muriel throttled back into a slow, but deep, rhythm. The door to the room had remained open all this time.

Muriel's hands had been caressing my chest and holding onto my shoulders, but I noticed they were increasingly inching around my neck, with obvious design! I said in a low voice for her not to choke me, because at the moment I felt an orgasm coming I wanted to see my penis. She leaned forward and whispered that she needed this, and for me to pat her on her butt when I needed her to stop, or to get up off of me - and just at that instant of finishing what she had to say she tightened her grip around my throat. I withstood this for a moment, but when it began to feel as if my eyes would pop, I began to slap her buttocks. If anything, this just seemed to make Muriel squeeze harder, and she was not letting up at all to allow me any breath. I slapped and I squeezed her rump, but with no avail. Suddenly, with great timing (Muriel, the Pro!), just as my penis was about to explode, Muriel slid up & off of me. I leaned my head forward, as Muriel stood there looking, as we both witnessed my penis look like it was breathing - it pulsated & waved in the air as a small amount of clear liquid - thicker than pre-cum, but not white or yellow or as thick as cum/sperm - came out the opening and ran down the shaft.

After what seemed like several minutes (the door is still open), Muriel lay on me, the wet end of my penis pressing into her belly, and kissed me repeatedly - stopping occasionally to say something like, "It's working, Baby!"

Muriel then rolled onto her side, propped her head on her hand, looked at me and asked if she could ask me a question. I told her she could ask anything. Muriel asked, almost sheepishly, if I would "go down on her" (how it was described by many in this area). She tried to continue speaking about how she knew some men did not like to do that, but I stopped her in mid-sentence by touching my finger to her lips and saying "Just be quiet." I then got off the bed and walked to the door and closed it, then entered the bathroom to clean myself off.

When I came out of the bathroom, Muriel was lying on her back. I began by slowly & repeatedly kissing her mouth, neck, ears, breasts, nipples, belly, navel, and then making a deep thrust of my tongue into her vagina. I thought Muriel was going to come off the bed and fly around the room - she went bezerk with pleasure! In feeling her enjoyment I did everything - I sucked, I manipulated her clitoris, I nibbled on her vaginal lips - I fucked her in everyway possible with my mouth! And then, best of all, just as Muriel was about to explode and break every bone in her body - I backed off just at the edge. I watched as she pulled my hair, scratched my back, and moaned where she could be heard out in the hallway. Her back arched, and her body strained & jerked, as she climaxed - it was beautiful!

Muriel finally lay still & quiet. I came close to her face and listened to her thank me repeatedly, stumbling over her words. I told her it was nothing to thank me for - she could have it anytime she wanted it. At that last comment, I noticed her eyes fully open and seem to shine.

I asked her if she wanted to go downstairs now and have breakfast, or would she prefer to have it brought to the room. She replied that she did not know if she could walk, and had never experienced Room Service. So I ordered the Eggs Benedict, sausage, cottage-fried potatoes, fruit, orange juice, coffee - the works! I told Muriel just to stay in bed and she could get cleaned up after we ate.

Muriel was almost in a state of sleep when the woman arrived with the food cart. As I ushered the food into the room, Muriel sat straight up in the bed - the sheet falling across her lap fully revealing two unclothed large breasts. As Muriel sat there looking very pleased, the woman from Room Service put out the food, obviously trying not to look in Muriel's direction, but also obviously seeing Muriel's nakedness (more food for talk downstairs among the staff). I knew Muriel was comfortable with being naked from her wrestling experience - I will have to work on this with her.

After we ate (Muriel appeared starved, eating some of my food as well as her own), Muriel apologized for almost falling asleep, but she said the combination of what I did to her, plus how great the bed felt, as too much for her! I asked if she had anything to do for the day, and since she replied that she did not, I suggested that she just stay in the room and sleep, get a nice long bath, and leave when she got ready - she could sleep the whole day if she desired since I had the room until tomorrow morning.I requested that she call me at the hospital as she got ready to leave, but if she had not phoned by the time I left the hospital, I would come by and fuck her some more - and yes, an oral climax as well. You would have thought Muriel was a kid at Christmas time! I cautioned her to keep the door locked, and as I was leaving, Muriel asked, "Does this mean we are a couple now - you know, going together?" I replied, "Yes." As I was closing the door, Muriel giggled and said, "Good, because I already have my cousins phoning everyone!"

Joy, I have long wanted Muriel. But Muriel was always "down & dirty" - not my social equal. Muriel represented a type of behavior that I was not supposed to think about, much less have. But now she is mine - and with proper make-up, dress, and social graces, she may become more acceptable to my world. I can give her what she wants & needs. And she has me - with her videotapes. A strange symbiotic relationship!

These last thoughts are very difficult to type so as to make any sense. But by telling you all this hopefully you will move so far away from me that there will be no way - no hope. I thought that would be the way things turned out after Wednesday - but I was still trying to hold on to you on Thursday, and through early yesterday - then I knew what had to be done.

I will always remember the Days of Happiness in June of 2006. I will always remember loving you - still do. But notwithstanding my own insecurity about your not being real, and your being unfaithful, I will also remember how you told me you were not mine - not my slave. And no matter how much you do not want to acknowledge how much that hurt - in my mind I know that was the breaking point to pushed me to allow for my castration.

You were My Sunshine,
My only Sunshine.
You were My Joy,
But you took all that away.

The Dinner

e-mail to Joy

To Joy:

I arrived early to the restaurant (I am always early everywhere), informed the staff that I was awaiting my guest, and took a position near the door. After only a few minutes I noticed this tall woman approaching the door. Now you have to understand that the only way I have ever seen Muriel is attired either in jeans, cut-off shorts (Daisy Dukes, we call 'em), or mini-mini skirt, with a halter top, unbuttoned too low blouse, or a t-shirt with the bottom cut off so that it does not completely come below her breasts. The shoes would always be athletic shoes. Her hair has always been unkempt, and I always hated seeing her dirty & broken nails. But yet I suddenly realized that the woman approaching was Muriel, in a royal blue dress, hair styled, and in heels! I even could detect eye shadow of a light blue tint!

In my stunned state I managed to open the door for her as she began to apologize for being late - which she wasn't. I felt her take my arm as if she was suddenly frightened as we were led to our table. She was obviously nervous - pulling at her dress and not knowing what to do with her hands. She had no concept of what she wanted to eat, and I think only recognized the word "chicken" on the menu. So I ordered for her, cheese & spinach appetizers, followed by a salad, and shrimp pasta. No wine for either of us - Dr. Pepper. (I did not want her to have any alcohol.)

When I commented on her looks, and inquired as to where she obtained her dress, she reminded me that I had bought it for her about a year ago as she accompanied my taking Melanie shopping. She said she had never worn the dress until now, because although she thought it so beautiful when she picked it out, she never had any place to which to wear it. She also added that a cousin had done her hair, starting right after my phone invitation to dinner, and another cousin had done her nails.

As our conversation turned to the previous Wednesday night, I first inquired about the long span of time before she put me out and the time I awoke in the morning. I learned from her that I had been given a second injection later that evening to ensure I would not awake during the procedure. Muriel said the most horrible parts of the night, that she had great difficulty observing, were the application of a clamp-like device that pulled my ball sac away from my body and held it that position. Muriel then described a plier-like instrument that when the handle was squeezed caused the jaws to encircle my testicles while a curved blade did the cutting. Then Muriel said the final act to bear was as the woman took an electrical device and cauterized blood vessels closed. Muriel said she feared for a moment that I would die from the blood I was losing, but that the woman simply continued to methodically perform her work. Muriel said she could hear the sizzle of the instrument sealing off tissue, and could smell flesh burning. And, to my horror, she told me all of this was videotaped from right after I was put to sleep! (I looked frequently to see if we were talking so loud as to allow those around us to hear our conversation.)

Now, as we began to eat, came my asking the mighty "Why." Muriel began by telling me that the only money she had was that she was paid from wrestling, and that was never enough to cover her bills. She admitted she barely made it though high school, and she had no funds for continuing her education. When I asked about financial help from her male companions, Muriel said that they only wanted to fuck her, but not to help her with her life. And she constantly had to be careful about pregnancy, since that would keep her from working. She also admitted that several times she had taken money for her sexual favors. And she also confessed to a tinge of lesbianism, but she received no money from these encounters, and usually ended up being rough with them. She stated that her roughness had created several enemies for her among her fellow female wrestlers, and several of them were out to seriously hurt her. Muriel knew when that finally happened she would be out of work and out of money.

Muriel said the only enjoyment in her life, aside from hurting girls in the ring, had been these past years of hanging around Melanie & I. She knew she was a "tag-a-long," but I was always so kind as to allow her accompaniment. As a result of her acquaintance with Melanie & I, Muriel went many places with us, like the movies, and best of all - got taken shopping. Muriel said if she even mentioned liking a particular article of clothing or jewelry, I would buy it - however she knew I was just doing it to impress Melanie. She envied Melanie for all she had, and all she was given, and really came to despise Melanie for what Muriel saw as a lack of appreciation, and Melanie's always wanting more. Muriel said that when Melanie told her about getting me to agree to wearing the chastity device until our wedding night, and then keeping my sex drive lowered by over-milking me, that was too much for her. Muriel said that Melanie suddenly became excited about gelding me, but was squeamish about cutting my testicles off herself, and that she would not be strong enough, so she offered Muriel $500 to do the job.

Muriel lowered her head so as to not look at me, and admitted that she had truly been hurt when she recently offered herself up to me, but I refused. Muriel said slowly, but surely, her thinking turned to wanting me for herself - that Melanie had a "good thing" but didn't appreciate it. But how could Muriel bring me to her?

Muriel said she spoke with Melanie several times these past weeks about her actions in our relationship. But with each discussion Melanie became more enraged and began to push Muriel out of the picture. So Muriel decided to castrate me herself, have the incident videotaped, and then threaten to let the tape fall into others hands if I did not become "Her Man."

Muriel had already been given the $500 by Melanie before their arguing began, so Muriel simply found out "through the grapevine" about the woman nurse, and how to contact her. The money then became the down payment - Muriel said she still owed for the rest.

Muriel added that as far as putting me to sleep, that was the best part of the night. She said that to feel me struggle between her legs, and to watch my eyes as I choked was well worth the money. (Again, I am asking her to keep her voice low!)

Muriel said that her period was supposed to start this weekend, and if she made it through without being pregnant, then from here on things would be perfect - as her Eunuch (she learned that word from Melanie) we could have intercourse whenever/however we liked with no fear of pregnancy!

At this point in our conversation, Muriel stared into my eyes and with that famous soft voice I heard Wednesday night said, "CB, you are going to be my man."

It was amazing just how long we had sat there & talked. I'm sure the restaurant staff wondered when we would leave. And both of us had only picked at our food! I allowed the waitress to keep over twenty dollars for her tip - Muriel uttered that she had never known anyone quite like me, and that Melanie was a fool!

I walked Muriel to her car - she did not ask for us to go anywhere and I did not make an offer. As she went to enter her car, she placed a soft kiss on my cheek. I told her we would need to talk more - but we would do it by phone. Then she drove away.

As I walked to my car, I suddenly realized I had not asked one question that I had intended to ask - what happened with my testicles?